Immortality

The day I met you I always knew

It would be another beginning of an end

Your gaze paralysed me

Just one touch you could make me shiver

Still the same, you are no different

No matter how many times I have found you

That peculiar sensation always overcomes me

Just when my eyes catch your hazel eyes

Just as you play with your curls

This feeling has never changed always as strong

I have been waiting for millennia

No matter how long, I’m destined to be with you

And so are you

They tell me it’s all up to me

But to me it’s all up to you

‘Cause my existence depends on you

Watching you come again is as well a torture

‘Cause it’ll end catastrophically all over again

And I won’t be able to stay away

Never had the power to look away

To let you go

But when I see your face that radiates purity

How you smile when I cup my hands around your face

And the warmth you send through my bodies just as you touch my wings

Or how soft your lips are on my lips

I know what I’ve been living for

I’ll surrender everything and who I’ve been

To have you in my arms

Forever

I don’t choose any of them but you

To be with you is all that I want

For Heaven’s sake, my love for you is boundless

If eternity is what it takes to have you again

I’m always ready

You don’t know how beautiful you are

That’s what makes you radiant

Your radiance is my lead

My lead to always find you

By: Lady Adelaida, based on the Fallen Series

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I’m in love with a Guitarist.

It's You

   There you go again. I was just sitting there in the middle of nowhere. And I had no, even the slightest idea of what I was actually thinking about. I was just there with chin resting on my hand, contemplating life as if all in this world was just a pain. Clueless is the only word that could describe myself at that time. But it's you. You were passing by me. I was someone who thought there was no one in the world who would be good enough for me. Not to be all high of course, it was just that no one was able to understand me. but you. It's you. you were walking, not even a glance you took, but I could sense the warmth of your presence. the comfort that you presented unintentionally, to be honest, I couldn't and I still can't get enough of it. And by the time you started to notice me, I knew it was a change. A difference that has changed the way I think of the world. Only with you sitting by my side, I knew that I would be alright. Everything would be okay. There was nothing to worry about. And since then I realised, I could sense the piercing cold in your absence.

   I'm positive that you won't even know it, because I never show it, until now. But that should be fine, because I don't know what would happen if once you knew it. Would you stay the same? or would you go away, be so distant from me instead? Rather than thinking of the two possibilities, I would just hold on to the fact. The fact that you are always there for me. The reality that I can see your smile every time I want to. The truth that I can listen to the softness of your voice and feel the warmth of your hand.

Part 3- Puzzling

Puzzling. it's probably the word that fits me right now.
Everyone, everything, seems to be complicated, complex in my eyes.
Not only are they puzzling to me, I can't even understand myself. What do I want... what do I feel... What I desire. Sometimes I feel like I just keep jogging in place. no matter how hard I've strived, how much I've tried, they seem to be so pointless.

Rather than trying so much to think positively, I'm being more scared after all. Scared of the new day, which day I expected to be a good brand new start. But I suppose it's not the case anymore. 'the me' now is totally different from 'the me' in the past. 'the me' now is hopeless, and lacking so much. I tell myself to be strong, but in the reality, I cannot. I tell myself to believe, but in fact, I cannot trust anyone. I tell myself to keep trying, but the truth is, i just break down in a blink of the eye.

No one seems to understand my circumstance, but that's okay, because I don't even have any strength to tell them, and even if I did, i don't think I could, my words would be worthless. these things running on my mind, they keep rushing, haunting me, I can't control them. I can't help it. In one second, I could think of one thing and move to another. it always works that way. and I have no idea why. the more I think about it, the more I feel so pathetic about myself. Because i'm pretty sure it's not just my feelings, it's me, it's the reality. I'm someone to pity on.

They say "you have to love yourself first, then you can love the others"
I'm trying, trying to love myself, but how can I keep going if I can't even understand these hidden feelings of mine?

Part 2- A day of happiness

Did i say i would post my activities constantly? I hope not. because this post is probably 3 or 4 months away from the part 1 xD
OMG, i even forgot I've written that part 1. Well, first of all, I'm pretty sure you would think of this post as a cheerful and jolly one as you read the title. but like the saying says "don't judge a book by its cover". And by referring to that idea, "don't judge an article's tone by its heading". -L.A
Before I remembered and got to write this post, there were lots and lots I have been through. and i can say, I'm still going through some of them.
I always get this particular question in my head:
"why is it so hard just to live a day with happiness throughout?"
it just pops out every time i wake up in the morning. and before every morning, i keep saying to myself right before bed time, "tomorrow, just smile. no matter what, just smile. it's never hard to do so."

but when i wake up, i realise, how damn hard it is just to smile. not only to smile, i cant even sleep properly. if i could change the question, it would probably sound better this way:
"why is it so hard to live as a teenage?"

yeah. that sounds right to me now. I am now aware of the reason why i can't smile just for a day. People might be right about life, especially the transition of life. I'm still not sure if it's only me having such an over thinking personality or other young folks also go through the same thing.

High expectation, not being able to follow what your heart says, part of the pride and one of the hopes... I'm entirely sure, not all teens would experience this.

But freedom to go out there just to do what you think is right, to be with who you want, to be free from any expectations, to stop relying on people's opinion and being insecure... are all that we want.

That's all I could say. I might just start thinking about a way that can encourage my face muscle to stretch into a smile on the next day.